There have been numerous events in my life that I have felt utterly helpless. Usually these are the events that I cry out and lean on someones shoulder and also pray out to God. Yet, this past event was different. I wasn't going to write a post on this, yet I felt the Holy spirit telling me to write this for someone else who is going through something similar.
:sigh:
So, I have put God first this semester. Totally surrendered my life to Christ. As a university of Florida student that for me means I have decided to Major in Jesus and Minor in school. I have not neglected my studies but I have stopped stressing! Well that is the biggest thing I learned this semester- to trust God. There has been many times this semester that I have cried. I have put God first and studied yet I failed my first exams for all my classes! Like I really studied and put God first. I love church, not just because of the fellowship. Yet, I find the most joy and comfort being in His presence. Also, Pastor Mike is seriously anointed by God. I love him, and his messages always hit hard. They are not a feel good messages!
So, yeah the second exam was a little better but not what I wanted. Like I was so distress that on my birthday I went to Lake Alice to do my quiet time and just cried out to my God because my grades weren't good. I was crying because I wasn't seeing results. Yet, I was not wearing my name proudly! Faith- is walking without sight! Because I couldnt see where God was taking me scared me completely! In my eyes all I saw was failure!I was trying to have Faith, but this was my sophomore year. Could God please give me a break and bring me success in school from the beginning? Like seriously, I have struggled in school since my first semester. University of Florida is no Joke! Especially their pre-health track, its a complete weed out courses! After only doing a little better in my exams after days of studying I literally just stopped. Stopped studying and just asked God why? How? When? Huh? I was fed up. I honestly didn't really pick up a book for 2 weeks but just spent time in God's presence asking him why? Why God, like what do you want from me? I just felt helpless. I didn't know what to do.
So at Alice and just started crying. The phrase in my head "Faith you dont trust him" just kept repeating in my head as the tears fell. Jason from church approaches me(and this is my first time meeting him). He ask me "why are you crying? Is it because of school?" I was like man this is a divine appointment! He tells me about being selfless and trusting that God is going to take control. After, I went and sat by the lake and started listening to my ipod podcast and it was definetly God. I listen to about 3 20 min worship podcast in a row and they all were about how God is in control even when we can not see it. Even in our hard times. Psalms 34 was read and as I listening the Holy Spirit yelled "Faith! Like are you serious! Why are you crying, like you believe the Bible is infallible right?!?
Psalms 34 :17 " The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenheartedand saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. 21 Evil will slay the wicked; 7 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
Right now Faith your crying because you don't believe God's words!" And that's when I received the revelation that God is going to take care of me. He has done in the past! I am not going to forget all that he has delivered me from in the past and think he doesn't care about me now! I honestly left Lake Alice comforted.
~ Sometimes to hear from God we really need to cry out to him~
The rest of my semester I continue to seek God and just felt his comfort because I now trusted him and was not walking by sight but by Faith! I studied but honestly just was like God provide for me because I know I can not do this but only through your strength.
Now results: As I saw my results he delivered me from one of my classess yet in Biology I recieved a D. When I saw my grade I started crying, not because I thought my future was over. But because my parents. My GPA has dropped and I just thought they would be furious! I cried but then I was like man they fear God. If they only knew how many hours I studied and how much I have grown in God they would be okay. I read several Psalms of how much God is in control and is ordering our steps and received this peace that surpassed all my understanding. My faith and trust was strengthen once again as I faced my parents.
When I met with my parents I told them of my growth in God and how he is really taking care of me even if they could not see it. I told them they might not be happy with my grade but just know that God is going to take everything. I honestly thought that everything would be okay. But I was completely wrong. My parents did go crazy. they tried to put things in their own hands yet it is not for man to direct his owns steps. Jeremiah 10:23. They canceled my trip to Kansas city for IHOP conference and have told me that this last week home will be my time to study biology.
Now I do not want to rag on my parents. However, this news of not going to my trip was told to me Christmas Morning. I was completely devastated. I was crying like someone had died for about an hour. I wasn't crying because I could not go to Kansas city. But because my parents do not completely trust God with MY LIFE. "God helps those who help themselves" is what my dad told me. Yet, I return to him asking is that in the Bible? He responds saying no, and I said I know that but it does say in Psalms 37: 23-24: " The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds him with His hand.
My parents honestly was not trying to hear what I was saying, yet God's words continued to come to me saying Faith my word is true. I have great plans for your future. One little D is not going to stop you from where I need you.
I cried because I felt helpless with my parents and could not believe that I am still going through the same awful scenes that I tried to forget with my parents as they control my life. I cried but for the first time I did not depend on anyone to comfort me. I actually did not want anyone to comfort me. I wanted to be alone with God as I cried out. As my eyes poured out tears and my mouth mourned I felt the love God. Like he loves me, and this life is only temporary but His children get to live in heaven for eternity. I was in so much pain, but I read his psalms and because of my love for God I submitted to my parents.
Because I know God is Sovereign. I know that some how God will provide for me. Right now it has been two days since it has happens and all I can say is that for first time in my life I can say: that I no longer look for anything in this world to satisfy me or comfort me. Not my family, friends, or a career. My love for God is sooooooo much stronger and to me that's enough. Like I still want to just live for Christ, no longer for the desires of this world.
John 12:25 The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
Matthew 10: 37-38 Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
This world truly has nothing for me, and I just want to bring his Kingdom into this world. I just want my family and friends to really experience God's love. Because His love is ENOUGH!
Three of the greatest thing I have received out of this semester is learning how to truly pray and cry out to God. Secondly, learning what my name means and how it works along trusting God. Thirdly knowing what type of physician I want to become. I want to become a third world physician that specializes in disease that plagues third world countries.
So, this has been another challenging semester, God has not given me everything that I wanted yet I know God is Sovereign. He does not say no because he feels like it. He does not close a door just for the heck of it! He has a purpose, plan, and something better then what I can see towards my future and my parents reaction. This is the essence of Faith! Believing what I can not see but instead Trusting that God is Sovereign and that He has ordered my steps!
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whob have been called according to his purpose/
Here are two amazing songs that lyrics literally say what most Christians feel when they are in distress with the thier life and trusting God~Faith
faith, biology is one of the hardest classes that I took at UF, and the thing is, it's the same class I took in high school with the same textbook and I felt like i knew everything. I passed my AP and IB courses but I still struggled in those classes. Talking to the professors from the jump and showing them how much I knew, despite my performance on the exams helped me a lot. One professor in particular went over the final exam with me before I took the test. I passed biology I but biology II i completely failed my last exam and ended up getting a D in the class. If I would have known that was going to happen I would have dropped the class, but I really thought I was going to get a B in the class. So i cried too. I always aimed for straight As and a D seemed too far from it. Looking back at it, there was a reason for it. Whenever your circumstances don't meet your expectations God is trying to show you something. God showed me so much with that D. That time period was difficult for me because I had to cut off the then boy I was seeing, I lost a friend over dramatic nonsense and I started wondering what did I really want to do with my life. Unlike you really wanting to be a doctor at the time I didn't really want to be a pharmacist, my mom just told me to do it. I thought the D was going to stop me though and I continued to worry about it staining my transcript and my now lower gpa. My mom warned me not to stress it, she said that a D would never stop me from getting into pharmacy school (she still hoped I went that route) but I didn't believe her because i thought she was just giving me sweet advice because i'm her daughter. but hey look at me now in law school doing something I really want... God knew all along. he's a provider.
Also similarly I spent a lot of time worrying and stressing about school in law school. as noted on my first blog post. but then i surrendered and let go. now letting God! he's a provider no matter what my grades are. he's a provider and when i meet him he's not going to ask me about my academic grades, he's going to ask me about how many times did i love the lost etc.
anyways stay comforted! holla! :)
WOW Faith... wow. I am speechless and in tears.
You love Him so much. It makes me want to love Him too... I want to love Him in tough times. *sigh*
"I no longer look for anything in this world to satisfy me or comfort me. Not my family, friends, or a career. My love for God is sooooooo much stronger and to me that's enough."
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[Encouraged]