"Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love."-Francis of Assissi

The only answer: Lord be my EVERYTHING, before all and anything.

Steph<3

I have so much to live up to being that my name is "Faith". Surprisingly, I never understood exactly what my name meant until around the time I started writing this blog.(I was 19 when I started this blog, and now I am 21)

Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see ~ Hebrews 11:1.

To go even deeper -- Faith is walking with a blindfold over my eyes, because I know longer have confidence in what I see. Faith is living a life that pleases the Lord, and a life that pleases the Lord is the opposite of how the world wants us to live.

Today, I was struggling with my Faith. Because recently, the Lord burden my heart with something that I shared with some brothers and sisters. I believed that after I shared what was on my heart that my brothers and sisters would respond. Yet, to my surprise only half of them responded for whatever reason. I was not mad at them, however I felt like I was ineffective. Thoughts came to my mind of "Why did you even share it?" or "No one even cares about what the Lord put upon your heart" Those are the thoughts that have been visiting me every once in awhile. The feeling of ashamed and unnoticed creeps upon me sometimes as well because I inferred the impression that what the Lord put upon my heart wasn't important.

But then the Holy Spirit reminded me that what I have done pleases my heavenly Father and that all that should matter. I didn't speak up to please man, but to respond to the Holy Spirit. In everything, if man is not please or is silent-so what, because your heavenly Father is Pleased.

How quickly I forget who I live for; when I don't live for the Lord but for myself, or for man. Hence, the principle of seeking Jesus daily.

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit apart form me you can do nothing." ~ John 15: 4-5

The essence of Faith is stepping out and trusting the Lord. So many times the Lord speaks to me and wants me to respond, yet I am silent and the enemy has won. Then there are times when I do speak out but look at my surroundings and assume that I am alone. Those are the times the enemies words have successfully sunk in to my heart. But thanks be to God for He has ultimately won the war! Because when I am are weak he is strong! (2 Corinthians 12:10) And that's what I need to put my confidence in when I do step out in Faith, not putting my confidence in what lies before me. But trusting in a Faithful and Just God who loves and is exemplified when I put my Faith in Him

Ps: I wrote this blog after I found the Picture...pretty cool how the Lord works :)

~Faith

God has really taken me a long way. I remember in late August sitting in small group listen to Robyn talk about transparency and the importance of it. She said if you can not be transparent with your sins then that means you still identify yourself with that sin. By not being transparent you are robbing God of His glory. You are still allowing the devil to condemn you.

When she said that I was blown away. Each point just cut my heart deep. I was very very ashamed of my testimony and found myself crying at the end of small group. I didn't want to steal God of his glory but yet I was. I didn't want my name to be put in a bad light. People are going to see that little miss church girl Faith was actually a very scandalous girl on the inside.

So, I decided to just seek God and ask Him to cleanse me of his shame. I first reflect on Romans 8: 1-2¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,^a]">[a] ²because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. I constantly meditated on this verse whenever I was feeling condemn and held tight to his promises. Jesus died on the cross for the same sin that I am ashamed of. It is finish! This is only Satan trying to hold this over me not the Lord, because he has forgiven me!

Through out my sophomore year the Lord has been pruning and giving me the spirit of boldness to testify of what the Lord has done for me. It's just amazing to see the Lords work because the previous blog is all God. Like I just felt a pull that people need to know what the Lord has set me free from. People need to know his Glory and really stop putting Faith Umoh in a good light. None of my achievements will ever compare to bondage that the Lord has broken me from and the eternal life that he has given me through His grace.

It's like the Lord has done a full 180 degree on my life. Like I truly have died to my old self, and honestly could not have gotten here without me really seeking the Lord for myself. By me receiving the Lords correction and begging for him to fix me! I really just want to encourage anyone who is ashamed of their testimony to really seek God and ask him to deliver you from the shame.

Revelation 12:11
1They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;


Luke 9:22-26
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ²⁴For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. ²⁵What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? ²⁶If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

Galatians 1:10¹⁰Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

~Faith

Wow! So, I have been on this path of shedding everything that has brought dishonor to my Heavenly Father. At first I was all for it yet in the middle of it I kind of wanted to go back to certain things that I have shed off. However, the reasons I wanted those things back in my life were for the same reason I cut the out of my life to begin with! Like for instance Facebook; which I did get the opportunity to get on my sisters and Stephanie's Facebook for a few minutes. At first I was like this isn't bad, I can come back. However, old habits started coming back. I started looking through old friends pages and looking down at the path that they have choose to live. I also started looking through people pages who I have never met before but have just seen around the University. In the midst of it all I was like NO! Faith you are not ready to go back! Your becoming a stalker again! lol but seriously I slightly open up the door to facebook and after was just like no no no no!

However, I was approached with the question several times of why did I delete my Facebook when I saw my family over the holidays. I love my family, and we are all seriously spread out across the country. Facebook was one of the main ways for me to keep in touch with my family.

Those were the times when I seriously wanted facebook back.

With so many mix feelings towards facebook I honestly did not know what to do. However, I had talk to my Abba father to help with my decision and Stephanie to keep me accountable. If I were to come back to facebook I would need to have some rules! Also, if I were to come back to facebook, I would seriously have need to cross that bridge of not worring about what people thought of me. Galations 1:10 I would seriously to be just over myself and the constant longing for attention from my facebook profile.

So, my decision right now is to come back!

Four that I must follow to come back on facebook

1. I will not be on facebook any longer than time I have spent out for the Lord in quite time. {One major issue I found myself guilty was spending more time on facebook then with the Lord. I want to fall even more deeper in love with my abba Father, not the world! Therefore I do not want facebook to be a way for me to back slide and loose less time with my abba Father}

2. I will not go on someones facebook that I have never met! {I always felt guilty to know everything about that person. Where they went, and what they like before meeting them and allowing myself to get to know them. Instead of lying and pretending like I didn't know anything about them until we become official friends on facebook or allowing them to tell me in person}

3. I will not allow myself to have facebook messages that have conversations that would not take place on my wall with the opposite sex!{ Yup, no longer allowing myself to flirt with the opposite sex behind close doors.}

4. To continuously ask my self is my action on facebook Prideful? ( Like the certain pictures I put as my default in my album. Before I use to put the pictures I thought I shined the most and wanted people to think I was just oh so beautiful. Also I want people to see all the things I am doing in my life by constantly posting new pictures. Question I now ask is where is my heart?)


Top 3 Reasons for coming back to facebook.

1. It is the easiest way for me to keep in touch with my family and friends that lives across the country.
2. A lot of information for clubs that I am in or want to be apart are found on face book.
3. I take lots of photos and a lot of people ask for them. Its just easier to make a photo album :)

<3>

There have been numerous events in my life that I have felt utterly helpless. Usually these are the events that I cry out and lean on someones shoulder and also pray out to God. Yet, this past event was different. I wasn't going to write a post on this, yet I felt the Holy spirit telling me to write this for someone else who is going through something similar.

:sigh:
So, I have put God first this semester. Totally surrendered my life to Christ. As a university of Florida student that for me means I have decided to Major in Jesus and Minor in school. I have not neglected my studies but I have stopped stressing! Well that is the biggest thing I learned this semester- to trust God. There has been many times this semester that I have cried. I have put God first and studied yet I failed my first exams for all my classes! Like I really studied and put God first. I love church, not just because of the fellowship. Yet, I find the most joy and comfort being in His presence. Also, Pastor Mike is seriously anointed by God. I love him, and his messages always hit hard. They are not a feel good messages!

So, yeah the second exam was a little better but not what I wanted. Like I was so distress that on my birthday I went to Lake Alice to do my quiet time and just cried out to my God because my grades weren't good. I was crying because I wasn't seeing results. Yet, I was not wearing my name proudly! Faith- is walking without sight! Because I couldnt see where God was taking me scared me completely! In my eyes all I saw was failure!I was trying to have Faith, but this was my sophomore year. Could God please give me a break and bring me success in school from the beginning? Like seriously, I have struggled in school since my first semester. University of Florida is no Joke! Especially their pre-health track, its a complete weed out courses! After only doing a little better in my exams after days of studying I literally just stopped. Stopped studying and just asked God why? How? When? Huh? I was fed up. I honestly didn't really pick up a book for 2 weeks but just spent time in God's presence asking him why? Why God, like what do you want from me? I just felt helpless. I didn't know what to do.

So at Alice and just started crying. The phrase in my head "Faith you dont trust him" just kept repeating in my head as the tears fell. Jason from church approaches me(and this is my first time meeting him). He ask me "why are you crying? Is it because of school?" I was like man this is a divine appointment! He tells me about being selfless and trusting that God is going to take control. After, I went and sat by the lake and started listening to my ipod podcast and it was definetly God. I listen to about 3 20 min worship podcast in a row and they all were about how God is in control even when we can not see it. Even in our hard times. Psalms 34 was read and as I listening the Holy Spirit yelled "Faith! Like are you serious! Why are you crying, like you believe the Bible is infallible right?!?

Psalms 34 :17 " The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenheartedand saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. ²¹ Evil will slay the wicked; 7 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.

Right now Faith your crying because you don't believe God's words!" And that's when I received the revelation that God is going to take care of me. He has done in the past! I am not going to forget all that he has delivered me from in the past and think he doesn't care about me now! I honestly left Lake Alice comforted.

~ Sometimes to hear from God we really need to cry out to him~

The rest of my semester I continue to seek God and just felt his comfort because I now trusted him and was not walking by sight but by Faith! I studied but honestly just was like God provide for me because I know I can not do this but only through your strength.

Now results: As I saw my results he delivered me from one of my classess yet in Biology I recieved a D. When I saw my grade I started crying, not because I thought my future was over. But because my parents. My GPA has dropped and I just thought they would be furious! I cried but then I was like man they fear God. If they only knew how many hours I studied and how much I have grown in God they would be okay. I read several Psalms of how much God is in control and is ordering our steps and received this peace that surpassed all my understanding. My faith and trust was strengthen once again as I faced my parents.

When I met with my parents I told them of my growth in God and how he is really taking care of me even if they could not see it. I told them they might not be happy with my grade but just know that God is going to take everything. I honestly thought that everything would be okay. But I was completely wrong. My parents did go crazy. they tried to put things in their own hands yet it is not for man to direct his owns steps. Jeremiah 10:23. They canceled my trip to Kansas city for IHOP conference and have told me that this last week home will be my time to study biology.

Now I do not want to rag on my parents. However, this news of not going to my trip was told to me Christmas Morning. I was completely devastated. I was crying like someone had died for about an hour. I wasn't crying because I could not go to Kansas city. But because my parents do not completely trust God with MY LIFE. "God helps those who help themselves" is what my dad told me. Yet, I return to him asking is that in the Bible? He responds saying no, and I said I know that but it does say in Psalms 37: 23-24: " The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds him with His hand.

My parents honestly was not trying to hear what I was saying, yet God's words continued to come to me saying Faith my word is true. I have great plans for your future. One little D is not going to stop you from where I need you.

I cried because I felt helpless with my parents and could not believe that I am still going through the same awful scenes that I tried to forget with my parents as they control my life. I cried but for the first time I did not depend on anyone to comfort me. I actually did not want anyone to comfort me. I wanted to be alone with God as I cried out. As my eyes poured out tears and my mouth mourned I felt the love God. Like he loves me, and this life is only temporary but His children get to live in heaven for eternity. I was in so much pain, but I read his psalms and because of my love for God I submitted to my parents.

Because I know God is Sovereign. I know that some how God will provide for me. Right now it has been two days since it has happens and all I can say is that for first time in my life I can say: that I no longer look for anything in this world to satisfy me or comfort me. Not my family, friends, or a career. My love for God is sooooooo much stronger and to me that's enough. Like I still want to just live for Christ, no longer for the desires of this world.

^{John 12:25} The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

Matthew 10: 37-38 Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; ³⁸and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

This world truly has nothing for me, and I just want to bring his Kingdom into this world. I just want my family and friends to really experience God's love. Because His love is ENOUGH!

Three of the greatest thing I have received out of this semester is learning how to truly pray and cry out to God. Secondly, learning what my name means and how it works along trusting God. Thirdly knowing what type of physician I want to become. I want to become a third world physician that specializes in disease that plagues third world countries.

So, this has been another challenging semester, God has not given me everything that I wanted yet I know God is Sovereign. He does not say no because he feels like it. He does not close a door just for the heck of it! He has a purpose, plan, and something better then what I can see towards my future and my parents reaction. This is the essence of Faith! Believing what I can not see but instead Trusting that God is Sovereign and that He has ordered my steps!

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^b have been called according to his purpose/

Here are two amazing songs that lyrics literally say what most Christians feel when they are in distress with the thier life and trusting God





~Faith

Testimony: evidence or proof of something

Today Stephanie & I shared our full testimony with each other, which I must say was an extreme battle between us listening to the Devil to keep it to ourselves due to shame or not to be ashamed of what God has delivered us from. Our testimonies is evidence and proof that God is Real and Sovereign! Because we have both been redeemed from : Lying, Drunkenness, Stealing, Cheating, Pornography, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Filthy Mouth, Seductiveness, Pride, Guilt, Shame, Fear and Depression. The fact that I can even write this is by God's grace!

Both of us have allowed the Devils voice to speak loud in thoughts so much that we were too ashamed to admit any of this. Yet, we now believe Romans 12:1-2 1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Yes! The peace to be able to be real with each other about our testimonies and see how Beautiful and powerful God has worked in each of our life's!

Accountability: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions

Now that we have cleaned our closets and have revealed to each other our past ugliness- we now take up the job to keep each other ACCOUNTABLE making sure each other does not fall or help each other with whatever we struggle with. One way we keep each other accountable is by downloading X3watch (at www.xxxchurch.com) which is a program that flags any questionable websites either of us visits, and sends a recorded list to your chosen accountability partner. I know personally the devil works over time for me when I am alone at home or idol down south in my parent's place, so I am grateful that God has given me someone to keep my accountable. Love you Steph!

~Faith

I refuse the fear of vulnerability; He gives me the ability to surrender.
I refuse to give in to the fear of transparency; to get to know Him deeper.
I refuse to give in to the feelings of being alone; He freely gives me His spirit.
I refuse to give in to the fear of uncertainty; He ordains my steps.
I refuse people pleasing; not fearing man, but only His holy name.
I refuse mediocrity; when I was called to be a radical for His gospel.
I refuse to give in to high expectations; only seeking His approval.
I refuse the right to get offended; for my life without the Lord has no worth.
I refuse feelings of apathy; when His love is greater than I can ever grasp....
[Hebrews 4:14] ♥
-Steph

So I don’t know if I’m a writer, an artist, a fantabulous speaker, or a great athlete (if one at all). I dance, but I’m not about to be admitted to Julliard. Sometimes I think what kind of gift do I have?? One thing I was always proud of saying, was that I was a great listener. Okay maybe not as cool as the things above and I’m not going to receive some trophy, but nevertheless a crucial role in many people’s lives. I was always the go to person to vent to, to tell stories to, to seek advice; you name it I was it! I always seemed to be the person that people opened up to way before I even told them my birth date. I loved it and still do, don’t get me wrong I am truly fascinated by other people’s lives and stories. Even though everything I heard was not beneficial to my ears [another blog!] I was more than happy to put myself to the side and inject a few “umm hmm’s” “yea’s” and “ahhh’s” as they went on. But I think putting myself to the side led me to believe I never really had someone to confide in 100%.

For the longest I had the idea no one had the right to know all about me except me. My 7th grade reading teacher encouraged us to start a journal. I did that for a while, but it was short lived. I would have much rather get away from it all to have peace and reflect on my thoughts.

Lately, I feel less urgency to release my thoughts to myself and dwell on them So I was thinking [haha “thinking” ironic] Only one person can bring me peace in a part of my life that I don’t expose to anyone. I’m not alone and my thoughts are definitely not my own! Jesus has been here since day one being the absolute listener, loving, patient, kind, and caring. He has the answers to all my questions and problems and He already knows me inside out so I don’t need to hide anything from Him. I have A LOT to learn about being a good listener. This seems so simple, but I was so wrapped up in myself and my thoughts that I never saw it.

So with this God has been leading me to be more open with others around me, even when I may feel vulnerable. Something soooo new to me! So chances are as you think I’m in silence, my mind is in a thousand thoughts wanting to leak out one by one. I just thank the Lord that when I feel the need to run to my own space and clear my head, He’s already in the room ready to listen.
Stephanie